I have been going through a vast array of emotions the last week or more. Each day is varied. I can start off feeling good and end the day feeling like crap. Or I could start off feeling like crap, then end the day feeling better. Emotionally, I am up and down also. More up than down. Thanks to my loving Heavenly Father, who's tender mercies are around me every day.
Sometimes, more challenging than my health, is the challenge of my son. This morning, like most mornings, he was LOUD, screaming and yelling just to make noise. We got off to a bad start with him not listening and I got frustrated. So, I told him while he was going to be noisy and disrespectful, I was going to crawl back into my bed. When he was ready to do some learning, he could come get me. He came in right away and said he was ready. I informed him he wasn't, and for that matter neither was I. He said he was hungry so I suggested he go downstairs and get himself a bowl of cheerios. He ran off while sounding excited to do that. I lay in bed and listen while he continued to yell and holler at full velocity for at least 20 minutes. MY throat was getting soar just listening to him. All of a sudden, it was quiet! I waited another 5 minutes before venturing downstairs to investigate and make sure Damon was indeed ready to remain quiet enough to start some learning! He was. Finally! I don't know what is going on in his mind/body to possess him to be SO loud like that. It's unnerving. I had to really force myself to stay in bed and wait it out. I wanted nothing more than to go down, grab him by the ear and put him out on the front porch! I restrained myself. This time. haha
I don't like times like that. I want so much to treasure every moment, but moments like this morning are very trying, and difficult to treasure. Thank goodness we were able to move on from there. We started with a prayer, then some scripture reading before diving into his curriculum. The rest of the day went better.
I am looking forward to John returning from work as we have so much to discuss. The results of my scan, whether or not to return to treatment, the possibility of going to Mexico for their alternative treatments. And so much more. Not to mention having my hubby back, and another adult around all day to give me a quick break as I require one. Or a long break!
Speaking of my scan, there was growth! I hate the idea that there is growth while on Chemo. It doesn't sit well with me. I have one more chemo drug to try and I am contemplating trying it while I am making my plans for Mexico. It comes in a pill form that you take for 21 days then have 7 off. There would be no going in for infusions! I like that idea. I just have to research again the side effects. I would hate the thought of it making me nauseous and sick for 21 days running.
Then again, I may just opt to not return to chemo before going to Mexico. Some of the side effects are cumulative and are still effecting me from another drug I took over a year ago. Maybe even two years ago.
It does make me nervous to think about not doing chemo, but at this point I feel like quality is what I have to shoot for.Quality of life, Quality time with people.
At this point I want to thank each of you who read my blog for your support, love, prayers, happy thoughts, good wishes, friendship. If you feel my journey can help someone else, please feel free to share my blog site with them. I want others to find the hope, the tender mercies, the strength to endure well what we have been given, (as hard as it may be).
Love and peace.