Did I say that?

Did I actually write a post and talk about waiting? Did I mention waiting in the title of said post? Did I say how I really didn't like waiting? And in the same post did I say anything about my Heavenly Father blessing me?
Haha, I know the darn joke is on me!!!!!!
Here's the deal, I rescheduled my CT scan because I woke up sick yesterday. I rescheduled for Thursday morning. More waiting.
That's not the end though.
Today they called from the Imaging Associates of Providence to tell me they had not yet received authorization for the scan.
What?.........
They didn't mention that yesterday when I called to reschedule. I should have expected it though. I have had more trouble getting timely authorizations for these darn scans, it's pathetic.
It's not really the fault of the doc's and staff there, it's the insurance.
So, for now, the scan is cancelled until I find out why I have no authorization yet, and until it's taken care of. Then I will schedule it. I will then have to reschedule my follow up appt with the Doc to go over the scan results.
I will try to remember not to write anything about waiting (and how I feel about it) in my blog posts in the future. It is counterproductive.
On another, more happy note, I spoke on the phone this afternoon with two dear friends from high school, sisters. I also spoke with their mom and dad. They are all like family to me. Very special family.  It was so nice to hear all their voices and speak to each of them individually. The only one I didn't get to chat with is their older brother, who is also good friends with my older brother.
Speaking with them made my day, my week, my holiday!
Now I go and spend the rest of the afternoon/evening with my kids. Don't really have a plan, it's real cold outside so driving around to look at Christmas lights may or may not happen. Maybe we will, go drive around, drink sparkling cider from the bottle....hahaha or take our nice crystal glasses with us and sing Christmas songs. Sounds fun. Cold, but fun.
Merry Christmas to all!!!!
Love and Blessings.
Danielle

Creating

It has occurred to me several times over the last few years (though I didn't do anything about it), that I have never shown the quilt I made while we lived in Kodiak. I was encouraged by a quilting friend of mine (thank you Audrey!!!) to participate in a challenge that a local quilt shop was having. I caved in and bought the fat quarters. My friend helped me cut the pieces. I then took the pattern instructions home and began the task at hand. 

I chose these fabric designs because of the rain theme on them. We did live in Kodiak after all, where it rains almost ALL the time. I loved the bright colors too. 

I got them all pieced together, then chose the fabric for the back and binding. Then it sat for awhile. I don't remember the timeline after this. I had asked Audrey if she would do the quilting for me if I had the back and front put together with the batting in the middle. Then I got my diagnosis. April 2010. 

I spent so many days in the hospital, I think 11 or something. Audrey suggested that she quilt it then give it back to me so I could hand sew the binding while I was at home in my recliner recovering. I told her that would be great. I was thrilled that she had helped me so much with this special project in the first place. 

Not only do I have this wonderful quilt made with the loving help of my friend Audrey, but I have a quilt she made herself, just for me while I was in the hospital. I have taken that quilt with me to every single chemo treatment I have had. 

I love my quilts, and I love you Audrey!!! 

I just wanted to share this, I have been meaning to do this for a long time. 

Merry Christmas to all of you. 

Danielle

The Waiting Game begins again....

I am scheduled for a CT scan tomorrow morning. that's it just a scan. No results. No Doc visit. A scan, and then I wait. My family waits. My friends wait. We all wait. Have I EVER mentioned that I don't not like waiting? I never have. Waiting for results of this magnitude just make that dislike stronger. 
Wait is what I will do though. I really don't have much choice. I always think the waiting for results will get easier, but it doesn't. I will have a week of anxiety, tense muscles, crabby moments, possible sleeplessness. 
All I can say is thank goodness it's Christmas week. I have that to distract me. It's a great distraction. We just got a bunch of new snow today too, so maybe I will feel well enough to take Damon out snowshoeing. I hope so. 
I keep saying that to him, and then either the weather doesn't cooperate, I don't feel well, or Damon just doesn't want to go anywhere. This boy of mine is a homebody!!!! Unless there is mention of going somewhere where he has a friend, or there is something in it for him. Otherwise he would rather stay home, in his shorts and t-shirt and play with legos, even do school work is preferable to him than leaving the house. 
I can relate to that some days. Well, ok----most days. Maybe it's winter that keeps me unmotivated to venture beyond the boundaries of our property. I guess I will reassess and get back to you on that when summer comes. 
I pray every one of you will be blessed with the things you stand in need of as well as the things you desire. May you have peace in your hearts this Holiday Season, whatever Holiday you celebrate. 
Danielle

What I am working on...

I got a bunch of brochures from the BioCare Hospital in Mexico. I read my copy this morning. It sounds intriguing and wonderful. If only insurance would pay for a three week stay there. I got an explanation of benefits in the mail yesterday and as I was reading through it, trying to make sense of it, I was floored at some of the numbers I saw on the page. During a one month time period, during which I think I had two or three infusions, insurance was charged enough to send me to this hospital in Mexico several times.
If you have ever wondered how much Chemo costs let me assure you it is EXPENSIVE and if I ever had to pay for it (even a fraction of it) out of pocket I would surely have to stop receiving it. I would not go bankrupt, or let my house go in order to come up with that kind of money. I couldn't leave my family with that burden.
If I did three weeks of chemo treatments here, here meaning in the USA,  it would far exceed the cost of  spending three weeks at BioCare in Mexico. And the treatments they do there are so much more in line with promoting self healing.
So, rather then finding money to pay for chemo, because at this point in time it's covered by insurance, I am looking for ways to raise money to go to Mexico. I am looking for some good woman in the MatSu Valley area of Alaska to help me brainstorm, organize, and carry through on fundraisers. I need helpers who can organize events, love interacting with the community, have great ideas, know me and my story or are willing to find out more.
That's my dream now. It can't do me any harm, unlike the chemo.
On another note, I am so excited for Christmas. I wish I had a piano because I love singing Christmas carols to the sound of a piano. Not that I am a great player, in fact right now I could probably only play one handed, but it would be fun to brush up.
Hope you all are enjoying the Season, and the wonderful snacks and food that comes with it.
Merry Christmas
Danielle

I'll Be Home For Christmas..

I will be home for Christmas. With my two kids. And two....no make that three.....dogs. One bird. One Lizard. Zero husband. John got called to work! It's a bummer, it will be our first Christmas apart since getting married. It's good too because the bills aren't going to pay themselves, and despite what the general population believes about military pay and retirement....it's not glamorous. Things are going to be tighter than ever for us while we get settled into this new routine.
Because of my diagnosis, my healthcare is changing and it's not "free" like they try to tell us. I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, I rarely do that, but I am a little anxious about making this transition into Johns REtired life, on retirement pay, less coming in, and more money going out than previously. It seems wrong!  There may even come a day when my treatments aren't totally covered and we can no longer go that route. That may happen also because at some point my body is just not going to respond anymore. Or side effects get so bad I have to stop. But I guess it is what it is.
I know that my Heavenly Father is still seeing fit to bless us. In many ways. And I am eternally grateful for that! For HIM!
If only I were healthy and could work to contribute. I am scared and a little embarrassed to even say it, because I should have done it a long time ago, but maybe it's time for me to write one of those books I have been wanting to write. not that it will make me rich quick, or slow....but it might help. IF I can get it written and then published, then sold. hahaha Seems like a daunting task.
I will pray on that.
In the mean time I am waiting for brochures from the BioCare Hospital in Mexico. I would really love to go there, but still researching and will then have to raise funds!
On a lighter note, I am happy to see Damon so excited for Christmas. It's fun to see it through his eyes. My kids and I will have a nice quiet Christmas at home. We will take pictures and make happy memories. It will be fun. I hope we have nice weather...meaning, I hope it snows.
I love nothing more than snow on Christmas Eve and day. It's so pretty!
Well, I love my husband and kids more than snow on Christmas, but you know what I mean right?
I want to just thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me and my family so abundantly even through our medical and financial trials.
May you all be Blessed this Holiday Season, whatever your holiday is.
Love
Danielle

HOPE

I have three weeks off now. Not scheduled for treatment until Dec 30th. I have a CT scan on the 23rd. I have been having a lot of mixed feelings about doing treatment on the 30th. My side effects are getting bad enough to be really annoying, and sucking the life out of me, if feels like sometimes anyway. I used to be such a strong person. Now I rarely want to leave the house. Well, I want to, but don't feel well enough to make it worth it.

I am like my son...a homebody! And having company? Oh gosh, that means having to get out of my P.J.s and get dressed. It could be partly due to winter and the cold/dark days, but I think it has more to do with how I feel. Weak, uncomfortable, numb, nauseous. 

I read about  a place in Mexico where they have you come for three weeks and do all these amazing sounding alternative treatments and I want to go. 

http://biocarehospital.com/index.html

In case you feel inclined to research it yourself.

It would mean more fundraising for me, as it isn't cheap...but if it made me feel better, stronger, and helped build up my strong cells to fight off the cancer cells then it couldn't do me any more harm then Chemo does. If fact, it wouldn't do any harm at all. I spoke with a gentleman from Alaska who went there two years ago and he is still cancer free today. He was amazed at how they were able to help him. His Faith also plays a big role in his remission. 

I feel more of a sense of hope as I daydream about this place. I like to close my eyes and visualize the things they would do and how my healthy cells would regrow, become stronger again, do what they are supposed to do. With Chemo that will never happen. 

We need more options like this in America. I can get some of these things done by my naturopath, but not all of them, and not all at the same time. 

So, check out the website if you have a moment, I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about it. I always love hearing from you! 

Merry Christmas!

Danielle

Please sit down!

Please sit down. Don't faint from surprise! Don't collapse from shock! I am writing a post in my blog. WOW.
I didn't plan this. I came on to see if there was a way to go from blog to book. I can't find anything on the sight that tells me how to do this. Do any of you have any suggestions? If so I would love to hear them.
I have been up and down emotionally since summer. After months on my hallelujah diet my cancer had spread and grown. Then from June to September everything in my lungs was stable while the rest had continued to grow. I struggled with the decision to do more treatment or keep doing the diet only. After much prayer and emotional upheaval I decided to return to treatment. I lost my hair again, and am still doing treatment. I am however, on a quick break for the Christmas Holiday. I will get a CT scan later this month before returning to treatment.
I have been getting promptings recently to pray and consider restarting my diet and getting more serious about alternative treatments that are spendy. I am serious about them, it's just that they are so costly, and not covered by my insurance.
In the mean time, I am doing what I can to enjoy all my time with my little family. We are in the talking and brainstorming phase of our family vacation.
Disney...land/world....? California/Florida? hmmmmm such decisions. There are a lot of logistics that go with a family vacation. Who will watch the house, and all the animals in it. Two large dogs, a fat lizard, and a sweet bird. We will need a house sitter for sure.
I continue to homeschool Damon, and he is doing really well. Despite lapses in my teaching due to not feeling well. Damon is such a trooper. After getting some input from a good friend we found an online program to help supplement what I am already doing, but Damon is able to do it on his own, for the most part in case I am not feeling like reading, or teaching from the regular curriculum we have. We are also currently reading Charlottes Webb. Looking for other great classics for his age.
My daughter, Kaili, is back home and we love having her here. She is working, and busy, but when I really need her she is willing to be here.
As for myself, I have been doing a lot of reading on my Kindle. That has got to be the best birthday investment John ever made! I have been reading a lot of historical fiction from the 1800's.
We decorated from Christmas right after Halloween at my request. I never know how many Christmas's I have so I am making the most of each one I do have. I love the decorations, the music, the hallmark specials, the feelings of giving, the sweet feelings when thinking about Christ's Birth. All of it.
On that note,
Merry Christmas
& Happy New Year!
Danielle