It's way too early to up, but I just can't sleep long in the morning. My new "normal" routine is up between 4-6am, look around on the computer for awhile, then I might lay down on the couch and go back to sleep.
Hopefully.
I am just not as comfortable on our mattress as I used to be. Especially if I have pain. I kinda love my new spot on the couch with my heat pad against my back. I say love, but it's all relative.
I would love to love my mattress.
I would rather love getting up and exercising, or being more active during the day with my son.
I would love having no pain or discomfort.
I have had pain the past, but never the kind that stayed long. IT would be something like a sore muscle, a slipped disc, a sore spot from bumping into something, never a chronic pain. I never understood what people with chronic pain went through until lately. It's really hard. It messes with your psyche. It can bring you down if you let it. For me it really emphasizes who I am "not" anymore. I used to be an active, strong, healthy woman.
Now I have to be strong mentally because I am not strong physically.
Some friends of mine came over yesterday to video tape me and asked what my hope is for the future. I mentioned spending time with my family, creating more memories, etc...I also want to be and feel strong again so I can actively participate in fun activities such as Kayaking, hiking, biking, even long walks. My son and I love to take bike rides. My daughter or husband and I love to kayak. And we all love to go 4-wheeling.
Last fall I put Damon in horseback riding lessons, I got to ride too and learn things I didn't know when I was a teenager and had a horse of my own. I am hoping this summer to join the instructor on some long day rides. It would be so fun for me, but I have to be comfortable.
I hope and pray that the treatments I get in Mexico will afford me these things.
I pray it will buy me time I don't have right now.
I pray it can at the very least help keep the cancer at bay, stable and not growing or spreading.
I pray while I am gone my family will be watched over and have peace in their hearts.
Cheers to a healthy future!
Danielle
My heart aches for you. It's so difficult to know what to say except I know you are a very strong and determined woman and we all love you very much and are hoping and praying that you will get the help you want and need while in Mexico.
ReplyDeleteDanielle, we've all been thinking about you and praying for you. We wish you the best as you make your journey to Mexico. I know you said you don't want it to feel like a vacation since you'll be somewhere warm, but I hope you get to enjoy the warmth a little bit. This trip is another actual experience that's going to be a part of your life. We here in Forest City all love you very much.
ReplyDeleteDitto on both of the comments above. Can I go to Mexico with you, sans children? I swear, I'll rub sunscreen on your back and pick the lint out between your toes if you say yes.
ReplyDeleteAudreay, come! and I don't have lint between my toes so no worries there! I already have my flip flops ready to wear. lol
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