It's way too early to up, but I just can't sleep long in the morning. My new "normal" routine is up between 4-6am, look around on the computer for awhile, then I might lay down on the couch and go back to sleep.
I am just not as comfortable on our mattress as I used to be. Especially if I have pain. I kinda love my new spot on the couch with my heat pad against my back. I say love, but it's all relative.
I would love to love my mattress.
I would rather love getting up and exercising, or being more active during the day with my son.
I would love having no pain or discomfort.
I have had pain the past, but never the kind that stayed long. IT would be something like a sore muscle, a slipped disc, a sore spot from bumping into something, never a chronic pain. I never understood what people with chronic pain went through until lately. It's really hard. It messes with your psyche. It can bring you down if you let it. For me it really emphasizes who I am "not" anymore. I used to be an active, strong, healthy woman.
Now I have to be strong mentally because I am not strong physically.
Some friends of mine came over yesterday to video tape me and asked what my hope is for the future. I mentioned spending time with my family, creating more memories, etc...I also want to be and feel strong again so I can actively participate in fun activities such as Kayaking, hiking, biking, even long walks. My son and I love to take bike rides. My daughter or husband and I love to kayak. And we all love to go 4-wheeling.
Last fall I put Damon in horseback riding lessons, I got to ride too and learn things I didn't know when I was a teenager and had a horse of my own. I am hoping this summer to join the instructor on some long day rides. It would be so fun for me, but I have to be comfortable.
I hope and pray that the treatments I get in Mexico will afford me these things.
I pray it will buy me time I don't have right now.
I pray it can at the very least help keep the cancer at bay, stable and not growing or spreading.
I pray while I am gone my family will be watched over and have peace in their hearts.
Cheers to a healthy future!