Anticipation

Anticipation.................

Just another word (to my reasoning anyway) for waiting....not so patiently. Waiting has never been one of my strong traits. I have become better over the years, but not great. I could improve my waiting "skills" a lot. Do I want to? Do I have the energy to? Do I have the time to? hahaha I think I'll wait to decide.

In the mean time...sorry I have not posted pics yet, but my wonderful son, Damon turned 5 Monday the 11th. 5? 5 years? What happened?

Most parents, well I think many anyway, get so excited with their firstborn at least, anticipating their babies first teeth, first bites of solids, first roll over, on and on to first day of school. I always enjoyed these things myself, though I came to an understanding with myself that I wouldn't "anticipate" them anxiously because I wanted to enjoy EVERY moment for what it was...I wanted each stage to last forever. I never wanted my babies to grow up. I was always so proud of myself for living in the moment and not trying to "get" my child to grow up faster than was natural or necessary.

Now, I have a different attitude. I've come to an agreement with myself that while I will try my DARNDEST to enjoy each moment and not rush things, I also want time to pass more quickly than usual (as if I could change the rate at which time passes) so that Damon grows up, serves a Mission, returns from said Mission and is safe and sound all before I let this Cancer kick my butt. Not that I will "let" it happen even then, but to hold it at bay until that time...whew!!! What a blessing that would be. I have Never wanted time to move faster as I do now. So all while wanting that (which I feel confident I won't get; by that I mean time going faster) I also have to remind myself daily to slow down, breath deep, relax, and enjoy what is around me, who is around me.

I find myself really needing more peace, more relaxation, more meditation, more appreciation of the things I do find myself anticipating. Even if it is results to the latest CT Scan. I fret, worry, create chaos where it doesn't need to be, eat more than i should, crave things I am giving up, and rant at those I love....I will be so glad when tomorrow afternoon is over and I have something to work with...at least until the next scan gets close.
Stay with me on this journey, I love your support, appreciate your prayers and kind thoughts/words. Thank you for being my family, friends, followers.
May God's blessings be with you every day.
Dani