Did I mention already that coming home was GREAT? Scary too, but wonderful! Damon was good with me, Mom did everything I needed without me even having to ask. Mom's are good that way! John did everything else...He's good that way too. Vacuum, dishes, laundry, anything.
My job now was to heal so that I could fly to Anchorage and get the PET scan I needed. I did my best to let mom and John do for me so I could just heal. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. We enjoyed meals coming from different families, and enjoyed a week of cool, but sunny weather. I began taking walks around the neighborhood the day I came home. Of course that first day I didn't make it all the way around the circle, I had to work my way back to that, but I still got out and did what I could.
It's really hard to write this tonight as Damon is having trouble going to bed. He keeps coming downstairs, now complaining of a scary light. I am feeling the desire to go lay with my baby. Darn!!!! Well I guess John is now. lol
So, walking around the circle.....it became easier every day.
Finally after enough time had passed I was scheduled to travel to Anchorage with my John and get the PET scan and my first appt with my Oncologist. I was nervous.
I was still trying to swallow the fact that I had Cancer. Now I had to actually go meet with a Cancer Specialist? What had happened to my life? Where was the me from before? My surgeon had been telling me that this had probably all started about 3 years ago...so sometime after I had Damon. All I could think about was me "before" and me "after". What happened inbetween? I have NO IDEA!
On May 12th I had the PET scan scheduled, but when John and I arrived I had a message from the office saying they didn't get their shipment of radiation in so I couldn't do it yet. I reminded them as gently as I could that I was from out of town, and had left a 3 yr old at home. I couldn't stay indefinitely. So, I was rescheduled for the next morning with my visit to the Doctor shortly after the scan. Not long enough to get definitive results, but long enough I guess to know a little more.
I had to go in this little quiet room and drink the barium...like bland milk sort of....? Then John had to leave while the nurse gave me a shot of radiation. I got to sleep for an hour before they came to get me for the scan. That only took all of 20minutes.
Back out the door with a few hours before meeting with the Doctor. I was supposed to stay away from crowds, pregnant women, and children as I was "radiating". So was went to the mall where all three were close at hand.
Just kidding. We did NOT, I repeat, NOT go to the mall.
I don't know what we did.
Then we went to Katmai Oncology to meet with my doctor. He was still waiting for prelim reports from the radiologist. So first we visited. Then he got the results that there were multiple hot spots in my lungs, (which we knew there would be, just not how hot!) but there didn't appear to be any anywhere else. That's good right? I have no clue.
He was talking about the possibility of doing a biopsy on one of the larger nodules in my lungs but needed confirmation from the Thoracic Surgeon. So we waited to hear from him while we were there. He took a look at the results and declared that yes he would do a biopsy.
Next step, to schedule me for the biopsy. Oh this was turning into some wait and see game that I was not too fond of.
"Well, we'll know more after this" "lets wait until that to say". Grrrrrrrr
Waiting has NEVER been one of my strengths. My life has become a wait and see game. Wait for surgery, wait for pet scan, wait for biopsy, wait for this wait for that.
Please, those of you reading this....don't wait for life to happen....make life happen.
Live in the moment, plan for the future.