Me and My Family

Me and My Family

03 July, 2012

Down and out

Down and out....It's how I feel today. Or at least, Down and almost out. I am not so out that I didn't do anything, but wishing I was out so I didn't have to do anything. Making any sense  yet?
I have submitted my records to MD Anderson and am still waiting to hear from them with an appointment date and time for me. It seems there have been delays at every level lately. Honestly, is patience really a virtue I need to be learning right now? Is this really the best time for this? I really think we could take this lesson and insert it somewhere else in my life at another when I am dealing with my son, or my husband, or my dogs, but while waiting for an appointment to talk to a Doctor about my Cancer and what options might be out there to SAVE my life...? Really? This is when I need to be learning about patience? I completely disagree.
(and now this will be when I have to wait even longer because of what I just said.)
But really, I think there is a better lesson to be learned here. Like good eating habits. Saying my prayers more consistently. Serving others more often. Exercising more faithfully. Appreciating hair only 1/4 of an inch long. You understand what I am getting at right?? Thank you!!!
I mean, I am only talking about my life. No big deal. Only it IS a big deal.
In the meantime, I also feel down, not just out. Like, I am just waiting for this appt and everything else in my life is just hanging out. There aren't any dreams being pursued, there is no one (or more) thing(s) I have to get done each day. I have nowhere to go at night. No dates. No girls nights out. No family business to run. I raise Damon and Play with Ava, and those are BIG things, I know that. but some might get what I mean when I say I feel like my life has no purpose right now. I'm just waiting around on this cancer. I know that's the wrong thing, but I don't know how to motivate to do anything else right now. I used to be such a go getter.
So, before I get you all down too...I will stop.
thank you for being the faithful readers you are. I appreciate that.


  1. I think a date night is calling you and uncle john! Love you!!

  2. You have every right to all those feelings and I'm sure they are to be expected. We all have days, hours, or moments when we feel "down and out". I know I do. Of course we all have different reasons for those feelings....but feelings are feelings and nobody can take them away from you or judge them. Considering what you are facing, you are doing a fantastic job maintaining. We all love you Danielle. Hang tough.