Ugh...I am so not in the mood for anything remotely resembling writing in a blog right now, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything.
I have had one of those days today! The kind where I wonder what the heck I am doing even thinking about homeschooling my son. Who do I think I am anyway? What right do I have to keep him from the experience of having to sit still in a desk, in a row, in a room with (probably) no windows. To keep him from being told to draw now, color it this color, read later, don't talk, tie your shoes because you are a kindergartener....all that sort of stuff.
How dare I deprive him of riding the bus with big bullies, who could most definitely put him in his place, right?
Well, I wasn't quite thinking of it in these terms, but more like, how about just letting the school deal with him all day....lol!
Nah, seriously, I was at the end of my mommy rope today though. He is SO naughty sometimes it makes me cry and want to pull my hair out. It makes me wonder what exactly am I supposed to be learning from this experience.
Patience? not happening (consistanly anyway)
Love? got lots of that
Persistance? Could use it better
Discipline? I am trying
Follow Through? Working on it too
Stick to-itiveness? Yeah.....hmmmm
Sanity? Losing it fast it feels at times
It is difficult on days like today to remember to charish every moment, soak it all in, live life to the fullest, etc etc...But then I head to the grocery store and totally miss dinnertime as well as my littleman going to bed (well he was grounded to his room all evening anyway) and I feel more sad in a different way. I didn't get to scratch his back, read him a book, snuggle him, sing to him, talk about whatever.
Thank goodness for now I still have "tomorrow". I will try again and start all over. I will do my best to love, teach, be kind, have patience, follow through with discipline, and not yell so much. I will try to keep him engaged as much as possible throughout the day and see what happens.
In other news, CT scan coming up on Sept 5th. Nerves are kicking in. I have no idea what to expect. I am trying to give up having any expectations...