Wishful Thinking...

I've been thinking a lot!!!

About time, events, past, present, future, going back, do overs, second chances, FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, mending, healing, and many other things.

Let's look for instance at this:

Or this:




Pictures of my before I knew I had Cancer. I was most likely sick with it then, in these pictures, but didn't have a CLUE. Not one bit of reason to worry.

I wish......

WEll, I wish I could go back to even before then and heal myself. Why should I have to go through this to heal myself? Why couldn't I just have been healthy then, and stayed that way? WHY???????????????????????

We don't really ever get to go back and do things over. Not big things like this. We can plead, and beg with God, but it's not in the cards. There is a reason, or many that we go through what we go through. And reasons why some of us have harder trials than others, or more complicated ones. All of our trials are significant, don't get me wrong..I'm not trying to trivialize anyones trials and challenges.

But, keeping it real...some are just more life threatening than others. For REAL.

I want a do over! I want to go back not to before April 22nd, but to the year 2006 or 2007 when I most likely started growing cancer cells in my body. What the heck, how about 2005 just be safe? nope, no can do!!! So what do I do? I make do. I move on, forward, keep going. Fighting every day! I want a clean bill of health in the next year. And then I want to treat my body better starting now and through the years.

I always get the same feelings for others who have passed on....mostly when it's due to self inflicted means....I think, God, they made a mistake, they weren't thinking clearly, they would like a do over. HAHAHAHA well that's impossible. We might get do overs in relationships, as parents, with friends, with car insurance companies, in learning, but not with life itself. We get ONE (1) life!

When this all started for me I was given all kinds of advice on diet and lifestyle. I laughed most of it off. Now I have been reading a lot about macrobiotics and the miracles it apparently has worked for some people who follow it. I am not in one pasture or the other, but on the fence still. I would love to be able to what it takes to get that clean bill of health, but there are some things I just feel I don't want to give up. Chocolate being one of them. However, I could do it in moderation. I am more inclined to listen and research now and take options into consideration. I have not only myself to think of but my siblings and my two children. I want my children to adopt as healthy a lifestyle as possible so they can maybe avoid going where I am, and stay healthy. If that means adopting a certain diet and lifestyle to some degree then I will promote it. I will never be a vegan to 100%, but I do think there is room in my diet to avoid and even exclude certain things like meat, most dairy, and a lot of sugar! I could eat fish, and will likely still have ice cream in my future...but in major moderation.

I want my kids to be able to say they did it right the first time and not feel like I do and wish they could go back....if only feelings.
We all have them I am sure. And I truly wish it was as easy as eating right or exercising daily. But sometimes, things just happen!

They just happen.......

I will leave you with my favorite scripture.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10

I love it! I love God, I love all of you. thank you for your prayers!
Dani