I haven't written in a few days. I couldn't think of what to say. I had a few days of feeling pretty down. This past Sunday was my halfway mark for being here at the clinic, though today is 2 weeks until I come home.
I thought getting half through would feel wonderful, but I just didn't get that feeling. I have been the only patient here the whole time and spend most of every day in my room. Alone, with two beds, four pillows, a TV where I can occasionally find something in English, my Kindle, some crocheting, and every meal is brought to me here.
Some days the treatments take longer so I am out of my room longer, but the only other thing that gets my out of my room is the sun.
The first week I was REALLY homesick, and the second week I was really homesick, and feeling like maybe I made a bad choice coming here. I was feeling afraid that I made this huge choice to spend a month away from my family and what if it wasn't helpful anyway? Then I have just spent too much time away, when I could be spending it with my family. I just couldn't write when I was immersed in those feelings. I had to get a handle on them first. I wasn't even sure I wanted to share them with anyone, but here you are. It's all out there. The truth only.
I can't really say if I am feeling better or not. I haven't gotten any exercise, until today when I actually walked 20 minutes on their treadmill. It's hard, being cooped up in the room.
I pray every day, most of the day for Heavenly Father to work miracles with these treatments! All things are possible. I just pray He has a purpose for me to stay on this earth longer. With the end of tomorrow, this third week will be half over for me....and maybe then I will start to cheer up. I know it's important to keep positive as much as possible, it's just so hard when you are homesick, lonely, bored, etc...
Here are a few pictures.
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| getting Hyperthermia |
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| Getting ready, see I am still smiling...lol now imagine laying under all that for hours, sweating! |
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| 2010 Spa, Heat therapy/Lymphatic massage, table vibrates gently and it gets warm, not hot, warm. |
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| Like this! It's usually very relaxing. (1hour) |
Looks like you are ready for space travel...almost!!! I think I want a bed like that for my room. Looks cozy. We miss you too. I'm sorry you are lonely. :( Super big (gentle) hug from me!
ReplyDeleteLove, Jenni Weed
Don't doubt your decision to go there, Dani. You're fighting for your life, and you're using everything you've got. THAT is not a mistake.
ReplyDeleteI know you're missing your kids and John, but try to be in the moment (except for when you're undergoing hyperthermia - then don't live in the moment), and enjoy that sunshine and peace. Too bad you don't have a sewing machine and some fabric there with you.
As always, I continue to pray in earnest for you, Dani. Prayers for peace and miracles.
ReplyDelete