8 years!!!
Some days those years feel so short, like the time went by so fast, too fast. Other days it seems sooo long. Who would have ever thought I would be married for 8 years. And so much has happened in those 8 years. Just as I think, and say out loud occasionally, there just aren't enough hours in each day to get done what I want and need to get done...when I look back on 8 years there seems to be so much time there!
Time I could have done more with.
Not that these last 8 years haven't been great, they have held many blessings for me and for John. It just seems we could have squeezed in a little more "doing".
John and I began our anniversary celebration by going to a movie together a couple of nights before our anniversary. On the actually day of our anniversary we both got up, got ready for church, attended church, came home ate lunch, having both forgotten which day it was!!!! Not until my precious daughter texted me with well wishes for the special day it was, did I remember. I promptly went and gave John a big ol' hug and smooch right in front of Damon!!!! I like to try and gross him out every now and then. but this time he was cheering..kiss more, kiss more! He seems to be in a kissing phase, might have to cut back on his viewing of movies and TV. He has been trying to kiss me and say, let's get married, or let's have a married kiss....hahaha 6 yr old boys! Though it warms my heart when he talks about wanting to marry me, or someone as beautiful as me. awhhh.
John and I plan on finishing our celebration at the gun range! Of all places. I wanted to get pedicures together, we need them, but he wants me to practice with my new gun, which is a good idea.
Yesterday however, was the anniversary of my diagnosis with stage IV Colon Cancer. ugh.
I was sitting outside yesterday afternoon watching my very active son play while I soaked up some sun. While feeling the bright, warming rays on my face it dawned on me that this day three years ago was also a very beautiful day, in Kodiak, Alaska. While my husband and I were driving home from having heard the news, the sun was beating down through the windshield. I wanted nothing more than to go home and get out my lawn chair and sit in that sun the rest of the day, or walk the neighborhood with my son, or take him to the playground. But it wasn't to happen that way. I called my best friend there in Kodiak, Amy Earle, and asked if she and her family could watch Damon for a few hours. I had to go back to the hospital for some tests and scans. I had to drink this big jug of nasty liquid. I told her on the phone I wasn't ok, but would have to fill her in later when Damon wasn't listening...I think. Some details like that slip my mind. Maybe I did tell her right then. I was in such shock that any thought of Damon overhearing me was possibly cast aside. Some of my weaker moments!
Needless to say Amy and her husband, Jake willingly took Damon, then I went home to drink my gallon of guk, and my mom called while I was there. She had bad news. Her sister had just passed that morning. Mom was crying and so sad, I completely understand, but now I had to give her more bad news. I had to bring her down more. I had to completely ruin her day, week, weekend, month even. I let her talk and when she was done I asked her to sit down. I told her I hated to do this, to grieve her further but I had news of my own. "I have Cancer", I told her. We both started crying, and mom was very upset. When she calmed a little, I asked her to come right away as I was to go into surgery in four days. We needed help with Damon and the home.
So John and I headed back to town, I don't know what was going through Johns head, but all I could think about was "this is a test of our faith", and "what will my son turn out to be like if I don't raise him?" "how can I miss all the things my son is going to go through in his growing up years?!" I can't!!! I have to be here.
So, while the beautiful, warm, brilliant sun shone outside, I was inside getting scans, and talking to my doctor.
I am happy and blessed to be here 3 years later....statistically speaking I shouldn't be. I AM! And I am still fighting statistics.
I am going to keep fighting. I welcome and appreciate all your happy, positive thoughts, and prayers!
May you have many "happy" anniversaries.
love,
Dani
Happy Anniversaries to my beautiful daughter! Maybe the cancer diagnosis isn't "happy" but the fact that, against all the odds, you are here to celebrate three years is! Yes, that day three years ago was a horrible one. I don't remember ever really experiencing shock before, but I did that day. First my precious sister, then my precious daughter. I thank you for your courage and amir you so much. Love you forever and beyond, Mom.
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