Hi, my name is Danielle and......

Hi, My name is Danielle and I am a foodaholic! I eat food for pleasure, for stress, because of boredom, when I am hungry, when I am not, when I think I am hungry.
I eat food that is heavy laden with sugar, carbs, starch, chocolate, yumminess, flavor.
I eat food that is greasy, salty, chocolaty, sugary, frosted, or not.
I am here to confess my addiction and stop it as of right now. Even though eating like this has been done in more moderation than usual in the last months...(most days), I still have the addiction. I have emotional ties to food I don't understand.
They are bigger than me, complicated I am sure, and so very frustrating for me. As of now I am trying very very hard to eat fresh, living food, with the occasional whole grain thrown in. I am going to increase my intake of water.
I am like an alcoholic, or drug addict. I have what feels like uncontrollable urges to partake in my drug of choice which is food. I don't need anyone to twist my arm, I don't need any excuse. I tell myself with every bite, "this will be the last one and then I will change". I will say that everyday forever if I don't get control now!
Now, if you are of my faith and don't know me well don't be shocked by what I say next.
Giving up alcohol and tobacco were so much easier for me. In fact that was easy peasy compared to what I have to now do. Of course I was never really addicted to tobacco. That was take it or leave it. I only did it to relieve stress or feel cool. I never felt, oh I need one.
Alcohol was a little different. I could give it up when need be, like when I was pregnant...I didn't drink at all. Otherwise, I didn't see any reason not to. I didn't see any situation I shouldn't be able to.
Still, it never was the same as food. FOOD is the one thing I feel out of control with. Maybe that's why I like to have control over so many other things in my life.
So, I do believe I will have slips, but I am going to try harder than ever to eat right, give up that crap and be healthier. Maybe then after some time I can relinquish control over some of the other things I hold so hard to in my life. Time will tell.
I will post again. Thinking I should create a group for eaters anonymous. lol
Dani

What Have We Done Today?

                                                                                                                    Nixon Waterman


Work is not a plan for work. Putting off work can be the same as  just plain not working.


We shall do much in the years to come,
   But what have we done today?
We shall give our gold in a princely sum,
    But what did we give today?
We shall lift the heart and dry the tear,
We shall plant a hope in the place of fear,
We shall speak the words of love and cheer,
    But what did we speak today?

We shall be so kind in the after while,
    But have we been today?
We shall bring to each lonely life a smile,
    But what have we brought today?
We shall give to truth a grander birth,
And to steadfast faith a deeper worth,
We shall feed the hungering souls of earth,
     But whom have we fed today?

We shall reap such joys in the by and by,
    But what have we sown today?
We shall build us mansions in the sky,
    But what have we built today?
'Tis sweet in the idle dreams to bask;
But here and now, do we our task?
Yet, this is the thing our souls must ask,
   What have we done today?


From The Book of Virtues (A treasury of great moral stories)

I read this to my son at bedtime and loved it!!! Truly we must ask ourselves, What have we done today? Have we just talked about doing good, following a dream, teaching a child something kind, or have we actually done something towards these goals?? It's speaks to service...leading by example...

What have you done today?

Who would've thought

Wow, I have been researching Juicing and juicers, pro's and con's, Juicing vs. smoothies...etc...There are SO many opinions, ideas, theories, recipes, etc... out there. It can get a bit overwhelming! I am looking forward to using juice as a base in some smoothies, or my soup. Mine will be a house with a juicer and blender. Even if one is better than the other, or not as good an option, both are better options than what I have been doing my whole life. So that in itself gives me hope. I only am worried about liking the juice. I don't want to gag it down day after day...I want something pleasant enough that I can pour it over ice and drink it down. I need to get ideas for making juices taste palatable. If anyone reading has ideas I am all for reading them.
We are looking forward to getting our juicer sometime this week. Then I will be off to get produce at the store. I will be wishing we lived somewhere warmer where we have access to more variety of fresh produce. oh well...we will do our best.
Ideas welcome.
Love,
dani

my saturday blues

Hey! this post treatment Saturday is coming to a close. I can't wait. It was a relaxing day though. A friend came to get Damon for about 4 hours while john was out ATV'ing with a group of Adults from church. I was able to rest and read during that time. It was great!!!! The house was just nice and quiet. It isn't like that very often...and when it is I love to take advantage.
Dinner time was a little exciting...John walked into the kitchen to find our bearded dragon, Murphy roaming the floor. How in the world???? Apparently this morning while giving her water, I left the lid open about an inch, just enough for her to get through. don't know how she got to the floor, but am glad for three things,
1~she wasn't hurt
2~ I didn't step on her
3~ the dogs didn't find her first
lol

I will be more careful in the future. Especially if my mom is around...that would not go over too well.
Now the big dogs are rough housing...running around, jumping each other, making noise. I think it might be time for me to go back to bed.
John and I ordered a juicer and are eagerly awaiting it's arrival. It shipped already yesterday so it should be here next week. (this week?).
Damon is up getting his room ready for bed. He had all kinds of toys on his bed, not conducive for sleeping in.
Tomorrow will be my first day at church with my new "hair". Should be interesting. I am sure I will get some looks. lol
Sweet dreams.
love
Dani

Here we go again

I'm headed to Anchorage today for treatment. Just when I get on a role feeling good, I gotta go back. It's getting really old and tiring, not to mention frustrating. I hate feeling like crap for four days after. Actually thursday and Friday aren't too bad...I get tired easily, and my mouth is messed up, but Saturday is the worst. I am tired, weak, my mouth is raw, and gum or cough drops are all that make it feel better. Everything else is temporary relief for my mouth and long last grief for my hips.
All I want to do on Saturdays after a treatment is lay around. I don't even feel like reading....just laying there...maybe sleep, or not. It's pretty boring. For me and especially for my son. Bless his tiny beating heart! Sometimes he voluntarily slices me a banana and some strawberries (if we have them), and serves them to me, and sometimes he fills my water bottle with ice and water. So sweet. then there are times when he just wants me to get up and play, and doesn't totally understand why I can't/won't'.
I'm already looking forward to next week. Whew.....
Ct scan coming up on the 14th. Meet with Doctor on the 16th for results.

wouldn't it be amazing?

I have been thinking a lot more about my diet and lifestyle since keeping up with my friends' blog, 3inspiringsons.com, and watching "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead".
I have done so much research and reading, and watching documentaries in the last year it's Aaaamazing how most of it points in the same direction.....plant based diet! Not just to cleanse, but to heal, boost, fuel, and energize your body.
What I feel after watching "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead" is how LIBERATING it would feel/be to just eat veggies and fruits, in juice or smoothies, or soups, or just in salad. How amazing it would feel/be to not have to ever worry about or think about any other foods. There would be less frustrating choices to make at the store, and at home when preparing meals for family, making school lunches for kids.
Then I think, well, that WOUld be liberating however, it also scares me to think of never eating another pizza, or Ben and Jerries, I do so love those two men!, or having popcorn and candy at the movies.
I don't think it's so much being scared of not having those things, it's more about the emotions those things feed. Like my friend Amy, I have food issues I have struggled with for YRS! It's not easy to just move on. It's important, but not easy. But wouldn't it just be so amazing? Liberating? Freeing? Easy?
The fact does remain though that eating lots of produce in alaska is expensive. It's just not cheap. And it's hard to find good produce some days. How grand it would be to live somewhere warm where there are produce stands everywhere.
But where I live is not on topic here today.
I vow to do my best each day to eat more and more plant based foods and cut out processed foods. I thank my friend, Amy, for doing her blog and juice fast and inspiring me to get back on the wagon! I have as good a reason as anyone for needing to do this, I have cancer and want to help my body heal itself as much as possible. You would think that with my own life on the line it would be easier for me...but I guess my food issues override even that. Must deal with those!
Can't wait to get my strawberries!

Forgive me

Forgive me for not writing in such a long time. I was sick for awhile, then sick some more, then just plain discouraged.
I got sick with a cold of some sort...got an ear infection, ear pain continued in non-infected ear, got treatment when I shouldn't have because my white blood counts were way down. I had to take a shot of nulasta to up the counts. The shot itself didn't hurt, it was a few days later that my whole body ached....really bad. And the ache lasted for several days. So uncomfortable. It also happened to be Easter weekend and I ended up feeling lousy East Sunday. My poor boy Damon was a bit disappointed that I spent so much of that day on the couch.
After all that, I just didn't feel like writing.
for awhile.
So now here I am writing again. I have been reading my friend Amy's blog about her and her family's experience with a juice fast. It's been an amazing journey for them and for me to read. They suggested watching the video "Fat, Sick, And NEarly Dead" on netflix or hulu. It took me the whole first half of THEIR fast for me to get to watching it.
I watched it last night with Damon...who fell asleep one third of the way through it. It proved to be very interesting. While I am not sure that juicing full time for any length of time is right for me, I do feel more motivated to get back on track with my own diet. And I don't mean "diet" as in weight watchers. I mean diet as in what I eat. One year ago I was doing really well on smoothies, leaving behind dairy, meat, and most sugar. I lost 10 lbs promptly. Then summer hit and s'mores, cookouts, and soda were all around me. It was so hard. I held fast for awhile, then slowly over time started having a bite of this, a bite of that, a piece of birthday cake, a sip of soda. Before I knew it I was struggling to get back on track with my desire to eat only plant based foods, in other words being a Vegan.
Today I am a bad Vegan. I eat chocolate, take bites of Damon's pizza, his yogurt, and even ate a burger once from the dreaded McDonalds. I can't believe I just wrote that.!!!! Please don't tell anyone. lol
Chocolate isn't necessarily not vegan, but if I am giving up sugar then it is bad for me.
It's all the more difficult when I am the ONLY one in my household willing to eat the way I know I need to. Even Damon used to eat salads a lot more than he does today. I was doing so well encouraging him and watching him join me to a certain degree in my new lifestyle. Slowly but surely I started letting him go back to certain foods because it was easier than arguing. And during the long hard winter we had, it was, frankly, comforting.
So, now that I have been reading and following my friend Amy's journey and finally watched "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" I feel a renewed commitment and desire to do what I know is right. Today I had two large smoothies made with spinach, kale, cucumber, carrot, blueberries, and strawberries. For dinner I had cauliflower mixed with some quinoa. I feel full but not bloated. Just satisfied. I remember when I got cravings last spring I would go to bed and read so I wouldn't be near the kitchen. I may have to return to that. Also now that it's light so late, I could take late evening walks with my dog to get out, and get moving at the same time.
So, here is to getting back on track!!!!! One Day at a time, but lets make each one count.
Each one is so precious!