Deep Blue Sea

Deep Blue Sea.....what do these three words together bring to your mind?


Fear?
Calm?
Storm?
Sharks?
Neverending?
Life?
Movement?
Beauty?
Vast?

I went to the Deep blue sea last friday with one of my Best friends Anna, and we went Sea Kayaking. Now, I have been kayaking before, many times...just not in the ocean. My kayaks are of the flat water variety..meant for lakes and SLOW moving streams or rivers. I stear with my paddle. I have never used a kayak with a rudder.
My friend Anna also had never been sea kayaking and is slightly a bit anxious about the water. I won't divulge too much information about her, I 'll just mention that she is AfRaiD of the water. That's not too much info right?
Me on the other hand am in love with the water, I live every day to get out on open expanses of deep deep water...ah..............not so much! I'm perfectly fine as long as I am in the boat. I'm "deathly" afraid of dying by drowning. but I wasn't afraid of drowning on this day, just nervous to think of tipping and ending up in the freezing!!! water and then freaking out about what might be lurking down there around my legs.
Ok, so moving right along. We had a wonderful experience. It started with getting in the car and making the long drive to Seward. The tour started at 7 am. We had to get signed in, then "squeeze" into these ridiculous little life jackets. I thought I was doing to choke. Or maybe it's just the ridiculous size of my chest that was the problem. hmmm...either way, I like my own life jacket best, but I hadn't brought it. We then pulled on these "skirts" they slip around the seat and keep you from getting water inside and all over your lap, pants, feet, etc.
We rode in a tandem boat so I sat in the back where I was in charge of the rudder with my feet. Anna got in front. When we first hit the water, she yelped. Within minutes she was commenting on how glad she was we were doing this...i was too. It was so serene on the water. We opted to talk just between us, and not really interact with the other people in our group. It kept in more peaceful for us. We were able to just focus on nothing or our conversation, or just the peacefulness of the moment. We saw one lone sea otter. I love those little guys, they are sooooo cute. It was just a great experience to have with a great friend. I highly recommend it to anyone who is or isn't afraid of the deep blue sea. Anyone who is just looking for a calm, fun activity to partake in to encourage accepting the moment for what it is!
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Summer Days

Summer Days usually start for me with Kaili's birthday. Here she is turning 21 and still having fun with her little brother. They are enjoying a moment together before she opens presents. He believes it is his duty to assist in that task even though he has his very own birthday in just another  month. (of course as I write this his birthday is less than a week away now.)

We attended Colony Days in Palmer..there were fun things for kids, lots of food vendors like at the saturday market, and also vendors of all things homemade. Damon was trying on one of those homemade items. So cute. He had his face painted, went on some bouncy house things, and got a balloon. He and Kaili also tried corn fritters.

Ari and I are sharing a nice nap together.  

Andrea................Damon..................Kaili

So cute, waiting for their turn to ride the 4 wheeler.

We also had 4th of July weekend. We went to a parade in Wasilla and it was the longest Alaskan parade I have ever been to. good though. We missed the fireworks the night before but when I asked my neighbor how they were they told me I didn't miss anything exciting. She told me they didn't even last 15 minutes and there was no grande finale...nothing spectacuar at all. Is that a reflection of the pride we have in our country right now? I pray not!!!! Probably just a poor job planning a display of fireworks. the unfortunately thing about living in Alaska is the best fireworks are on New Years Eve when it's too DANG cold to stand around and watch them. You do it though, even though your knees are knocking together, your teeth are clacking together, you can't feel  your fingertips (well for me last new yrs that was literally true, I couldn't feel fingers or toes).

Then the kicker is,  you drank so much hot cocoa you missed the fireworks because you were waiting in line to use the restroom!!!!

Go figure.

mmm mmm good, but no I don't eat that

My daughter and I just made a wonderfully delicious smelling breakfast. As I was cooking the bacon I was fantasizing about how yummy it would be to just take some and stuff it in my mouth. It was the thought of the pancakes oozing with warm, sticky syrup and piled with fresh strawberries and chilled coolwhip that got me drooling in my mind.
I love love love a good old fashioned breakfast. The smells of fatty, fresh cooked bacon, warm syrup, and hot pancakes brings me back to sitting at the kitchen table at Granny's farm with my cousins surrounding me and Granny cooking and serving hot waffles, fresh orange juice with the aroma of her coffee in the background. Mmmmm sweet memories.
Oh that I could go back to those carefree, wonderous, loving days. Oh that I could pile up my plate with all these yummy things and just sit and savor the flavor. But I don't eat that way anymore. I have to constantly remind myself (one wouldn't think I would have to since it's my life) that it's for my own good. That it's purpose is to extend my life so I have more of it. Life isn't about food, though we need it to sustain life...we don't need to eat the way I used to in order to stay alive. That's just for comfort, it may be all some of us know. The food we need to sustain life isn't fried, baked, grilled, broiled, you get my point.
Now breakfast is over, it's time to move on with the day, the weekend.
May you all have a great weekend.
Love,
dani

It happens every time

I'm not gonna lie. It happens every time. The feeling of Dread. I can't seem to stop it.
It happens every time I am about a month out from my next CT scan. I start feeling full of dread and skepticism. I start having all these thoughts about what my families life will be when I am not in it. How will my son turn out? How sad will he be, how LONG will he be sad.

Not that I want him to be sad for long, but hey....I ...well let's just say I don't want to go anywhere. I need to raise him.

So how do I get past these feelings every "cycle"? I'm not sure. Staying busy, active, eating healthy, walking, distracting myself. I noticed the feelings setting in yesterday. Maybe it had more to do with the cloudy skies and rain than the fact that another CT scan is coming up on July 11th. I might never figure it out. For the most part I do well, and I feel good. All late side effects from Chemo are gone with the exception of neuropathy in my fingers and feet.
My new style of eating is going pretty well. There are moments that are still hard. Birthdays come and I take a sliver of this and a sliver of that. But day to day I do well. I just keep praying that what I am doing with my diet can work like it has for others. I pray I am doing the right thing and doing it well enough to make a difference.

I Of course two scans ago I had good reason to feel the "dread". Just when we thought the nodules were gone, they were back. Then they showed minimal growth. Now I am praying for no more growth, or even (dare I say it?) shrinkage....

Prayer! Faith! Love! Hope! Family! Friends!

Love ya
Dani

the end of last post

Blogspot has been giving my a very hard time lately.

the end of my last post was supposed to end with these websites for you to check out if you are interested.

healthimpactnews.com   look up burzynski:cancer is serious business or something like that.
also
burzynskimovie.com

Thanks and sorry.

Life is precious and unpredictable

We know this right though? How precious life is? How unpredictable? How fragile?

We were driving to Anchorage on Saturday and the traffic heading the opposite direction on the hwy was backed up for several miles...Not a joke. the crews are working on putting up new (huge) street lights for the hwy., so one lane was closed off. I was moaning, hoping that by the time we were ready to head back home the traffic would be better, the work crews would be gone and we could just cruz on home.

All this moaning and then we came to Eagle river, where I had an appt. to go to before finishing our trip to Anchorage. I took the main Eagle river exit and headed over the overpass, where I spotted more traffic but also, motorcycles in the ditch. Smashed! Totaled. Debree everywhere. Probably 20 cars pulled over including police/troopers. I started to slow down and got scolded by John! Don't stop on the bridge he said. Ok Ok. i will not be like those spectators I see down there on the road!!! I felt TERRIBLE. I knew there had to be a fatality. It was bad looking. This did NOT bode well for my desire to own a motorcycle someday. We proceeded on to our destination, all the while me moaning still/again, about the horrific scene and what could possibly have happened.

I stayed up that night to catch the 10 pm news. Sure enough, one 52 yr old gentleman had lost his life (in surgery) following the accident. The 29 yr old man will be alright. Both WERE wearing helmets, but they flew off in the crash. SO SAD!!!!!

CAr drivers BEWARE! you are not the only ones on the road! John tried persistantly to get ahold of a buddy of his who rides....no luck until onthe way home the friend called. He was ok, he had seen it happen, but it wasn't him! Whew.

As for me, John stumled across some interesting stuff.
burzynskiclinic.com
this man has found a non toxic cure for many cancers which works most of the time in his Clinical Trials. He has been hounded for YEARS by the FDA (imagine that) He poses a threat to them and the pharmecuetical companies if his medicine is approved. One MAN. One medicine.

sprouting seeds

Well, I haven't written like a week. I think I just haven't had much to say. It's been a long, hard week.

But I do have good news (for me anyway). The spinach is sprouting in the garden already. Also the green beans. I hope all the things I planted grow. I will feel so good. If not, then well, I will try again next year. We have already decided that we have to do starters much sooner than we did this year. I guess my dining room might turn into a mini greenhouse next spring.

Well, just as I begin to write chaos is cutting loose in my house. I have to resume my duties as manager of indoor chaotic behaviors.